Dream Log: 4-27-14 — Fight or Flight

4-27-14

10:54am

Image source: Wikimedia Commons

I’m not sure why my oddest dreams have been happening on Sunday mornings…

I was standing on a rooftop downtown filming shots for my school’s TV show–I was developing a new intro. The memory in my phone was filling up, but as I was about to leave, the shadowy figure of a Boeing 727 caught my attention to the right. The plane was landing as gracefully as possible, but immediately after it passed over a nearby fence, the wind began to pick up. That’s when I noticed another plane coming from the same direction.

This plane was well lit. By how loud it was, I thought it was the Delta Airlines A319 that I’ve been waiting to see in real life (one lands here daily from Atlanta). As the jet got closer, the wind took control. It ended up being a delta-winged fighter jet, flipping in the headwind like a paper airplane. It was headed straight for me, with the landing lights getting brighter and brighter as the fighter barreled in. I ducked for cover in some sort of empty parking garage. The plane missed me by *that* much, barely clearing this random field goal in the middle of my view.

By this point in the dream, I am on a football field, rather then a rooftop like before. After crossing over the same fence as the 727 earlier, the fighter jet began to spin in place. The two pilots were in clear sight, with their helmeted heads looking at their gauges in panic. That’s when the plane dropped behind the fence like Tower of Terror. Up came parts, followed by a giant, fiery mushroom cloud, all accompanied by a silent BOOSH

Think: Wile E. Coyote falling from the sky in the cartoons, leading to the pop you can barely hear.

As expected, it began raining fiery debris, causing my hideout to catch fire. Armed with nothing more than my favorite black hoodie, I ran across the football field like the track athlete I could have been, dodging the debris and ending up among a crowd of people evacuating the small stadium. A baby was crawling in front of me as well. Rather than feeling panicked, I felt oddly secure in that I was surrounded by a wall of people doing the same thing, evacuating, and the fact that the little baby made me think of Tiki, my youngest goddaughter.

As I finally got out of the stadium, I saw WAFB Ch. 9 sports anchor Jacques Doucet interviewing Ross Lynch of Austin & Ally fame. Things had calmed down for the most part, by this point. Lynch’s mother was nothing short of afraid for her son’s life when it came to his upcoming flight to New Orleans. But he assured her that for as unsafe as any flight could be, it’s part of a goal that he needs to reach. This was when I woke up.

Let’s discuss.

The biggest project of my life is the one I’m working on now. I’m deep into the BRCC Today show as it’s been the premier outlet for me to flex my muscle is a designer, composer and producer (graphis-music-video). But with doing this show, I am working with the big dogs, dogs the size of Great Danes. You see, Tammy Brown, the community relations director for my school and a part of the entire PR staff, hosts the show. It’s a very big deal, and the fact that my work so far has the approval of the school—it’s very intimidating.

BRCC Today airs on Metro21, and in doing the show, I had the possibility of connecting with Cox 4; the show runner, Frank Hillyard, was impressed with my work (Cox 4 produces for Metro21). These are all things I should be bragging about, but it makes me afraid as hell about screwing up. These are major opportunities, and I feel that my entire livelihood depends on it. This is where the two planes come in.

In real life, the footage for the current intro was shot with my phone. In addition, I am also developing a new intro and theme song to debut for the Fall 2014/Spring 2015 year. I’ve had very good success with getting my name in the Baton Rouge media market. But not only does the nagging uncertainty bother me, the fact that everyone around me seems to be getting what they want—less-deserving, in my opinion—it pisses me off day in and day out. I feel as if I’m working twice as hard to get a quarter as far. I’m essentially comparing myself to others; they’re the 727, and I’m the fighter jet.

I very first plane ride was on an American Airlines boeing 727-200 in 2001. My mom and I used to fly these in her early days in the industry. Image source: Wikimedia Commons

The focus of the dream is the actual crash. According to Dream Alchemy: The Ultimate Guide to Interpreting Your Dreams, given the context, the headwind and crash represent an epic fear of failure. The pilots (my thought process personified) were fumbling to solve a problem that was out of their control, ultimately doing themselves in. This is scarier recalling it than it was dreaming it… Anyway, Dream Alchemy gives several outcomes. In short, everyone including me survived—other than the pilots, of course—I did express grief for them, but in the end, especially after hearing Ross Lynch’s interview with Ch. 9 at the scene, I felt relief because his words were the same ones I tell myself day in and day out.

“…it’s a risk that needs to be taken…”

This is supposed to symbolize that positive changes are on the way.

Wait, but why the hell is Ross Lynch in my dream? My girls watch Austin & Ally. To me, he seems to be a young, striking and talented guy with a lot of charm, personality and humility. Those are qualities I know that I have, but others rarely get to see…

Anyway, these are my answers from what’s essentially a checklist in the book.

In your life, this could be about: An adventure you’ve been planning for so long that it’s time to face the fact that your fear is stopping you from making your plans a reality.

As I said in my interview on BRCC Today (I believe it’ll air next Friday at 5pm, Metro21), my ultimate goal is to be a motion graphics designer on someone’s production staff. I’m a man of many trades, evident by my work for the show as well as my entire website, and I want to be one of the names in Baton Rouge because of it. But despite my constant efforts and opportunities, I still have anxiety about when and how it could happen.

Your unique dream contains personal clues only you may recognise [sic]: How the plane crashes gives you a clue about why your idea is not shaping up. For example, fire may suggest recent anger, burning enthusiasm or burnout.

I was enthusiastically filming for the show, doing something I would NEVER do in real life: standing on the top of a building at night. I’m a stargazer, but the sky that night was partly cloudy. Either way, the large open sky—day or night—turns my agoraphobia up to eleven. In addition, WAFB Channel 9 was in the dream. I am currently freelancing for WAFB’s MyScene TV, with my virtual set design being highly liked by the station. This led me to apply for a job earlier this year that I clearly didn’t get. I’ll also add that I’ve seen Jacques Doucet, the sports anchor in the dream, in person.

The plane was fumbling into a headwind, with the pilots essentially fighting a losing battle. It’s as if I’m trying too hard to reach what should be a simple-ass goal: landing the damn plane…er…landing that dream career, even if it means being self-employed (I would rather work for someone, even contract work, because it gives me a sense of security). I do, however, remember the fighter plane actually running out of gas; once it cleared the field goal and the fence, it…well…dropped like Tower of Terror.

Yes, I have anger that manifests itself violently. Yes, I have burning enthusiasm with it. Yes, I have been feeling a shitload of burnout lately.

Why has he dream come up for you now?:

*What feelings and emotions did you experience in your dream?:

Enthusiasm with hints of fear and stress -> awe and relief -> anxiety -> the fear of God -> inexplicable relief.

 

*What situation in your life now do these feelings remind you of?:

My career hunt.

 

*Has there been a change of priorities in your life recently?:

I straddle the fence on being furious about my social life, and being anxious about the career I’ve been chasing for years. I’ve also become impatient with family members, et al. in the process, which made me feel bad after they called me on it.

 

*Has anyone recently challenged you about your plans or ideas in a way that has caused you to doubt?:

Am I too inexperienced for WAFB or any other production? Was I less than what Mr. Hillyard at Metro21 hoped for? How long will I stay in Ms. Tammy’s good graces?

 

*If your most cherished plan or idea were to come to successful fruition, what new challenges do you feel this would bring for you?:

I feel that simply reaching the goal of graphic design and media production would solve the biggest of my day-to-day problems. Still, there are many expectations that I have to live up to for each and every client.

Ultimately, will the Javan H. name thrive, or will it go down in burning flames?

This is when the book reads, “Your answer to the last question may reveal the reason your dream has come up for you now. Your plans will succeed when you overcome your fear of what the success may bring.” I guess it’s my fear of the goal’s after effects that’s getting the best of me, no pun intended.

Recalling all of this, the principle is simple: my goal is beyond basic and attainable. It is, but it’s my fear (the headwind), in addition to other people’s success (the calm 727) are causing me (the volatile fighter jet) to give out. I’m an aviation buff as my mom works for a major airline. With that said, the real-life physics of this situation are simple: when there’s a headwind, especially at landing, you throttle up, but not to a point where you miss the mark and overshoot the runway. In this case, I’m clearly letting fear hold me back, causing me to lose control rather than upping the throttle, cutting through and landing safely. Like with everything, I’m getting in my own way.

The pilots died, which represents the fact that I need to get rid of this old way of thinking. However, I left the scene without a scar or burn the first, leading me to believe that I’m on the cusp of actually succeeding in the way I want to. I just need to keep going, doubts be damned.

Check out my first forays into the Baton Rouge media market — I designed the new virtual set for ‘MyScene TV,’ a local lifestyle show airing Thursdays at 11:30pm on WBHX 16. In addition, I am producing segments for ‘BRCC Today,’ a program airing Fridays at 5pm on Metro21. Please read my other blogs, follow me on Twitter and check out my work on here, YouTube and SoundCloud.

Toodaloo.


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One thought on “Dream Log: 4-27-14 — Fight or Flight

  1. Pingback: Dream Log: 6-2-14 — Jaleficent | Javan H.

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